So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
