Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
