i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
