I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
