i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My liver just broke up with me...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
