just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
