What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
