my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
