I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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