i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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