dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
