my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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