there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
