you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
