Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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