I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
