My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
