It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
