We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
