The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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