Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
