i need an iv and a liver transplant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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