He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
