He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
