when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We have started to decorate penises.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
