i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
