I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
