After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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