Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
