So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize