If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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