So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
