you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
