Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Couch. On fire.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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