just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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