So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
