i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
