Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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