just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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