wrigley field is MILF paradise
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
