she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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