Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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They took my balls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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