watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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