operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
