from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
