the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
