6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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