Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
