I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
