I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
