Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
