end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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