I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There's even glitter on my cock...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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