Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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