Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
