First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
