I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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