I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She announced her abortion via fbk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
