My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
