Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
