the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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