There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
