Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found a bag of teeth...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
