youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and she was petting her beer can
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
