if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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