What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize