It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
