i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
