So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
