I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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