you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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