Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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