im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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